What's clear: Katherine Russell claims she was completely in the
dark about her husband's alleged plan to bomb the Boston Marathon on
April 15.
Russell and Tamerlan
Tsarnaev were married on June 21, 2010. She was raised in a Christian
household in North Kingstown, Rhode Island, but converted to Islam after
meeting her husband while attending Suffolk University.
She worked as a home health aide and would often leave their toddler daughter with her husband while she went to work.
"The reports of
involvement by her husband and brother-in-law came as an absolute shock
..." Russell's lawyer said in a statement. "As a mother, a sister, a
daughter, a wife, Katie deeply mourns the pain and loss to innocent
victims -- students, law enforcement, families and our community."
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There are plenty of open
questions surrounding the Tsarnaev brothers' alleged terrorist plot, but
this one is glaring: How did Katherine Russell miss signs that her
husband was poised to dive off the deep end?
When we think "double life," we think about affairs, tax evasion, even pedophilia and rape, says Dr. Gail Saltz,
the author of "Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a
Lie," but in the United States a terror plot seems relatively
far-fetched.
Psychology experts say
that while the signs vary depending on the nature of the "secret life,"
there are clear markers to look for in a loved one who might be
harboring violent or harmful tendencies.
These include, but are
not limited to: moody outbursts, paranoia, hidden financial
transactions, increasing extremism, emotional abandonment and complaints
of feeling victimized.
While there is still
much to be learned about the transformation of Tamerlan Tsarnaev from
aspiring Olympic boxer to apparent jihadist, there were some indications
of instability.
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Tsarnaev was apparently a follower of extreme religious teachings, did not assimilate into his adopted country and had been previously arrested and accused of domestic abuse (it is not clear whether the complainant was Katherine Russell or another woman.)
"He was somebody who was not able to make an adjustment," Saltz says.
Friends of Russell
describe her husband as "controlling," "manipulative" and "combative."
She began dressing very conservatively after converting, including the
hijab or traditional covering for the hair and neck of Muslim women.
If Tsarnaev was
combative in front of friends, Saltz says, he was likely even more
confrontational in the privacy of their home. Physical or verbal abuse
can combine with other signs to indicate that a spouse is interacting
with the world in unhealthy ways.
A spouse or relative who
is attempting to hide behaviors might create physical and emotional
distance, have unexpected outbursts or opinions, or squirrel away money
and spend it without consent.
People in relationships
are entitled to do things on their own, according to Saltz, but a secret
life is "one that harms the people they love."
While no one size fits all, Lisa Brateman,
a New York-based psychotherapist and relationship specialist, says
characteristics of people in denial about their partner's true self
include: low self-esteem, rationalization, a sense of helplessness, and
being passive, submissive and dependent.
Ruth Madoff, whose
husband is now serving a 150-year prison sentence for perpetrating the
largest financial fraud in history, stood by him during the trial and even tried to commit suicide with him after his $65 billion corruption was exposed.
Ponzi schemer Bernie
Madoff was affable and charismatic on Wall Street, but in private he was
intensely attuned to the goings-on at his 17th floor offices in Manhattan's Lipstick Building (though he had offices elsewhere, the location stored many of his money-scrubbing secrets). He went so far as to install cameras to remotely keep an eye on things in his London offices as well.
Whether Ruth Madoff
recognized paranoia or other disturbing signs of her husband's misdeeds,
she expressed surprise at his actions later.
"The man who committed this horrible fraud is not the man whom I have known for all these years," she said.
Former Penn State
defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky's wife, Dottie, backed him even as
he was found guilty of sexually abusing 10 boys over a 15-year period.
Some of his alleged victims testified that his wife was in their home when the molestation occurred in the basement.
Dottie, a soft-spoken churchgoer and humanitarian, said in a letter to Judge John Cleland that she never heard or saw anything sexual going on.
Sandusky had been a
beloved member of the community; he not only helped Penn State win two
national championships but founded The Second Mile, a nonprofit
organization for underprivileged and at-risk children.
"Pretending has always been a part of me," Sandusky, who referred to himself as "The Great Pretender," tellingly wrote in his autobiography, "Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story."
Madoff and Sandusky may
have hidden their predilictions well. But even when a loved one poses a
clear and present danger to society, relatives don't always intervene
effectively.
In documents released in March,
it was revealed that Arizona mass shooter Jared Loughner's behavior was
so disturbing that his father confiscated his shotgun and disabled his
car every night to keep him home in the months leading up to the
rampage.
But when the signs are subtle, it's easy to miss them --sometimes it's even desirable from the point of view of the spouse.
Life partners have an
investment in seeing one another through rose-colored glasses, Saltz
says, especially if they have a child and are deeply invested in the
marriage.
A killer in the family
"It does take some
complicity on the part of the person that doesn't know in order to not
know. It's not necessarily conscious complicity," she said.
Brateman says denial absolutely comes into play.
"They may see some of
these symptoms and not actually know what they mean," Brateman said.
"They say, 'Oh, he/she is agitated' or 'in a bad mood,' but they don't
ever imagine that that could mean something."
"In the aftermath of the
Patriots' Day horror, we know that we never really knew Tamerlan
Tsarnaev," said the Russell family's statement. "Our hearts are sickened
by the knowledge of the horror he has inflicted."
Russell, whom her lawyer
Amato DeLuca describes as "very distraught," might be dealing with the
psychological impact of realizing her life with Tsarnaev was not normal.
She may feel robbed of her belief system and sense of self, Brateman
says.
Living a dual life is "the ultimate act of betrayal," Brateman says. "It doesn't just defy marriage, it defies humanity."
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